"Live in danger. Build your cities on the slopes of Vesuvius."

I googled "funny quotes"--I was bored--and first a website with a bunch of dumb homemade "funny" quotes came up. Along the lines of "Girls are like phones, we like to be held and talked to but push the wrong button and we disconnect." Needless to say, I kept looking. And I found famous funny quotes, which was more my style. Then I saw you could click on the famous person's name and get a bunch of quotes from them. There were people like Woody Allen, Mark Twain, Oscar Wilde, Friedrich Nietzsche, and W.C. Fields. Wait, what? Nietzsche? For some reason, I always thought he was a rather somber fellow. Well, he's got a million of 'em. Maybe not a million, but a page. And I don't really think he was aiming for funny exactly, but if you read them and in your head think of him delivering the lines like a stand-up comic, the quotes do come across as one-liners. This: "Two great European narcotics, alcohol and Christianity" certainly sounds like the beginning of a bit to me. Anyway, that's it. Put that in your pipe and smoke it. Also, put this picture of me, my hair, and Keri in your brain and try and forget it.